SNDO

Parisa Madani

20th June 2020

PARIYESTAN

The medical picture and audio journey through a healthy narcissistic personality disorder.

Yes. I do believe in fantasy.
I believe in the power of writing your own narrative, beyond dulling guidelines of neurotypicality, and other white-supremacist cock-blockages.

The PARIYESTAN is a timeless structured hang-out.
It started as an attempt to translate Persian/Iranian mythologies, fairy tale stories of witches through the ever so magical life of the 22nd century innocent and precious angel Pari. The magical forest, where the Pariyah live, love, laugh, dance, solve crime and smoke weed.

Owning, what I call a healthy narcissistic/ borderline personality disorder, comes with the heightened sensitivity of self, where every action is followed by questioning, dissecting, and viewing it from multiple perspectives and anticipating multiple different reactions and outcomes. This awareness transcends to interpersonal relationships where everyday situations are analysed and scanned for safety, easy exits, possible confrontation and often the own individuals’ fault of causing an unsafe situation, putting themselves in the centre of discussion and relating all possible problems to themselves.

“When you feel stressed, depressed, angry, or anxious, your body responds accordingly because the mind and body are so closely related.” 

“People with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) typically report feeling considerable stress the majority of the time. The body reacts strongly to this stress in a myriad of ways. The purpose behind these strong reactions is to help you deal with threats.” 


 

The notion of Anti-Productivity has been central to the work of PARIYESTAN.
This is a starting point of understanding myself as something other than a body that needs to produce and justify their existence with their achievements and ability to commodify.I want to validate myself by just being. Without comparing my trajectory to 500 somebody elses.

Looking back at the almost 25 years of existence of this human vessel, I can barely remember, ever not being/feeling stressed, exhausted or overwhelmed. Knowing that I am divine creature bound to flesh, I always knew I was striving for post-human realities where I would reign. Success in English class, success in table tennis tournaments, success in European Championship in Rhythmical Gymnastic and Dance, attention for being “the best” at something in order to validate my commitment to a craft, a passion, a calling. Over the last years I could notice the toll this exaggerated expectation of myself has on my own body, mind and the ability to rest. I knew I was extremely reckless with my body for most of my life. I learnt early to judge myself for not upholding standards, I saw my body as an object that is for people to comment on, I learnt to hate myself because people would.
Our world partially put on halt in March 2020, I started to experiment with not allowing stress or expectations from the outside to come too close to me. I prioritised chilling to its maximum. Being in a comfortable and privileged position to not have to worry about money, safety or food, this confinement has deeply inspired me to reject all expectations of production, indulge in sloth, gluttony and find out how I actually want to work, how I want to produce art and how I want to continue my life. I quickly came to the understanding, I do not want to go back to normal, because I can’t go back to normal. Normal was never an option for me. That is a concept that does not align with my fluid and constantly adapting life. Whatever this normal is that you’re going to, you won’t find me there. Find me stuck in a psychotic episode completely dissociating but miss me wherever normal is.

PARIYESTAN is hatching and growing. What you get now is not the finished product. This is the first time I am not finishing something but releasing it into the public, mostly because the curriculum of our study program requests a publication in some form. As always, I invite you to do whatever you want with this information, these philosophies/mantras and these pieces of art.